asas pra voar..

as vezes simplesmente da vontade de escrever mesmo sem um motivo.. mas, eu sei que quando eu começo o dificil mesmo é terminar porque eu sempre acabo achando um motivo, uma razão, seja ela qual for. mas, a verdade é só que eu tenho sempre minha cabeça cheia, às vezes muiiito cheia.. de besteiras, historias, ou seja lá o nome que as pessoas dão pra isso. ultimamente eu tenho estado um tanto quanto fora de mim, estranha, eu diria. eu não tenho estado na "mood" pra ver pessoas, sentar e conversar.. por mais que às vezes eu queira, eu apenas não consigo. tem alguma coisa faltando e por mais que eu saiba o que é, eu não quero acordar pra isso.. talvez porque seja mais dificil do que isso soa, ou talvez porque eu esteja com medo. seja qual for a razão, acho que eu só irei descobrir mais tarde. eu estou um tanto quanto cansada dessa vida.. essa monotonia de alguma forma já não faz mais sentido pra mim. o que eu quero mesmo, de verdade, é mudar tudo, colocar tudo de cabeça pra baixo. e é isso que eu irei me dedicar nos próximos meses da minha vida. MUDAR! pra ninguém mais do que pra mim mesma.. eu vou correr atrás de alguma coisa talvez pela "primeira" vez na minha vida. eu vou decidi o que eu quero ser, quem eu quero ser, como eu vou ser e onde eu vou ser essa pessoa. eu quero viver melhor, com pessoas melhores, em um lugar melhor e diferente. eu penso rio, mas, será? talvez, quem sabe.. eu vou deixar esse caminho aberto, não vou fazer uma escolha certa porque isso pode vim a dar errado. eu vou deixar a vida seguir, vou dar aquele empurrão de descida, mas, as curvas ela vai ter que fazer sozinha. eu também vou dar os caminhos, as estradas, os rumos.. o certo, o destino vai decidir por ele mesmo. talvez eu esteja sendo um tanto quanto dura, talvez isso iria soar bastante estranho se alguem fosse ler, mas, ninguém vai.. isto aqui são apenas pensamentos que eu sempre resolvo escrever pra tentar me entender, pra tentar me achar.

going to

im gonna stop livin' a dream that will never become true;
im gonna stop livin' in a illusion of the past;
im gonna be better, do better;
im not going to stop being who i've been in the past months for someone.. everyone;
im gonna stop trust people.. stupid people;
ill live the life that i deserve to live;

i want to meet new people.. i want my old new people back. i wanna go back!
im tired of this old bullshit!

ele por ele e o rock!

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we`re gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won`t coming back
No more hanging out cause we`re on a different track
And if u got something that u need to say
You better say it right now cause u don´t have a nother day
Cause we´re moving and we can´t slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And i keep thinking of that night in june
I didn`t know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real cool
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We`d get so excited, we´d get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life´s not fair
And this is how it feels
As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever
So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can we ever find a job that won`t interfere with a tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it`s not goodbye
Keep on thinking it`s a time to fly
And this is how it feels
As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be Friends Forever
La, la, la,la...
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
La, la, la, la...
We will be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end


(L)

waaaait!

i can look at the pictures, i can even talk to them.. dont matter what i do, it will never be the same.. my life its not the same without them. in every second of that 280 days of my life if theres a word to describe that, i would say LOVE.. in every single moment i felt love coming from each one of them.. in each smile, questions ("are u ok tina?") i felt that someone maybe in the very first time of all my life care about what i was feeling deeping inside.. and i didnt need to say that something was wrong, sometimes i just actually said that no, nothing was wrong, but somehow they knew it, they knew that something was wrong and that i was lying.
if i think about my future i get a little bit scared because i know that most of them will never ever be in my life again and this freaaaaak me out but if i think about the past i smile because i know that i can look back and say that there i was happy and that i made some people happy too; and that theres nothing that can make me forget it.
i can say that i made some FRIENDS!

i want to do it with you!

"tina, i love you.. u are my best friend!"
"thats a lie.. you just love me untill the day that i sleep in your bedroom."

thats what u said. do u say that to every single girl? i guess so!
but what i fell/felt for u was something different, weird, something that have never happen to me before. i heard too many lies comin from your mouth but one was a lie but i prefer think that it was true and that you will never forget it.

saudades...

come back home its kind of hard, weird and happy.. im leaving behind friends that were always there for me whenever i needed.. im leaving behind a new life. my life now its just so empty without them, it just doesnt make any sense without all the smokers, all the "hoooooot dog" screamed in the halls, all the fights with drew in p.e (cooooooach.. tina is hitting me!), without the hallways of ehs, all the days passed in the bathroom crying with whit, steph & kels, without a locker by my best friend's locker and meeting him there and having him huging me, without all the "feraaaaaaaass" said by them, without my funny, my friends..

i lost a piece of my life as soon as i get in a plane to come back home..
it just doesnt seem right without them

brasil continua o mesmo.. cheio de brasileiros e gente falando portugues. por falar em portugues, eh tao estranho ver/ouvir pessoas falando portugues.. eh tao dificil falar essa lingua de novo.entao, estou em terras brasileiras desde das 10 da manha. estou em sao paulo e sairei daqui as 9:30 e devo ta chegando em mcz de madrugada. faz bem estar de volta ;)